Odd lessons for a first year teacher

Now, I know I still have plenty to discover about the world of education, but I think there are some lessons I've learned in the past 6 months as a teacher. Let me share:

• The bruise above my knee might never go away until students' desks are made of a material softer than metal.
• It's not just the students who hope for a snow day every once in a while.
• Sometimes you have to just fly by the seat of your pants and hope no one notices. (I'm pretty sure a good number of the kids are trying this, too, but I think I'm getting better at catching them at it.)
• Assigning a student the job of "teacher hand warmer" can be a great way to keep their hands still when someone forgot to take their meds that morning... Keeping their hands still has the benefit of them not being able to move their entire bodies very far, which keeps them from jumping, hopping, wiggling, squirming, standing on their chair, standing next to their chair, falling out of their chair, sitting on the table, sitting under the table, poking the person next to them, spinning around in circles, etc. etc. etc. Plus, it warms up my hands!
• Sometimes when students show you their "teacher face" it looks a lot like an angry pirate. Do I look like that when I teach? I can't say for sure that I don't.
• Some people like to share stories about their children a little too much in the lunch room...
• The copier is ALWAYS out of paper when I need it in a hurry.
• Rumor has it that in Texas teachers (or maybe just principals) have to take a class to learn how to correctly paddle their students.
• We were absolutely right when we used to think the substitutes had no idea what they were doing. An example from real life? OK: Sitting at a desk in the back corner of the room, playing on her phone the entire time she was there and covering it up when I looked in her direction or went near the desk. Um, I can see you being useless back there, so there's no need to hide it. Another? Sure: Asking me if it's OK for him to go out for two minutes to take a smoke in the middle of a reading lesson. Excuse me?! No that's not OK, but you're a grown adult, so I can't really stop you, so I guess... But, WHAT?! 

Speaking of educating young minds: We went to the Aquarium two weekends ago, which was delightful, but that's not the point. While we were there, we overheard a conversation between a father and his young son. It went something like this:

Son: "Where are the giraffes?"

Father: "Well, this is the aquarium. There aren't any giraffes here."  (good so far...)

Son: "Why not?"

Father: "Because giraffes live in the jungle."  (ouch! nope.)

Son: "They live in the jungle?"  (good question, kid...)

Father: "Well, they live in the savanna, which is like a kind of jungle..."  (oh almost better, but no!)

Really?! If you're not sure what you're talking about, just don't say anything. Especially not in public. It makes you sound silly.

Well that's all for now. Keep your fingers crossed for a snow day tomorrow...